Ask Nancy: Can you say No?

Dear Brown Bag Readers

I'm very honored to have Michelle Loretta of Sage Wedding Pros as a guest blogger this week. Many of you know that I've been answering questions via the Ask Nancy posts but I am in Mexico doing a little research(wink wink).  Thought it might be refreshing to hear from one of my esteemed colleagues. So today, instead of me answering questions, Michelle has offered to answer yet another one of these questions for us. Thank you Michelle!

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Dear Wedding Pro,

I’ve been in business for a few years and have great relationships with other wedding vendors.  I consider myself to be pretty generous to other pros.  I like to share and help out when needed.  Recently, I’ve had a few wedding planners ask to borrow props or if I can just “whip up” something for an event or to help them with a design.  I’m feeling a little burned out and taken advantage of.  How can I say “no” without burning bridges?

Frustrated Florist

Dear FF,

What a conundrum!  If you continue to say yes, you are going to get runned over, burned out, and increasingly annoyed.  If you say no, you risk hurting the feelings of that colleague.  So, we have to do this gently.

Why you must say “No”:

• This is essentially work that you are doing and not getting paid for.  Time is money.  Borrowing (repeatedly) is renting without compensation.  You MUST be PAID for what you DO and for your ART.
• People in our profession burn out every day.  Working for free causes people to burn out.
• You will be known as the vendor who always gives freebies to vendors.  You will be barraged by requests.
• People are often clueless.  They may not know that they are putting you in a tough spot.
• Your art (and sales) will suffer if you are giving it away for free.  They won’t buy the cow if they’re getting the milk for free!
• Your reputation will not be tarnished if you say “no”.  If you have built yourself as a trustworthy business, your reputation will remain intact.

How to say “No”:

• Why not charge a “vendor rate” for colleagues who want to borrow equipment or a sample for an event?  This is akin to offering a “family discount”.  By offering a “vendor rate” it has the appearance of giving a deal, but you are being compensated for your effort.  You won’t feel like you were walked over.
• Consider a trade.  When you are asked for something, let them know that many vendors have recently approached you and that you are only trading for items or services.
• If you are being asked for “design help”, consider teaching them or coaching them. Vendor: “Oh hey – can you help me?  Those daffodils you arranged were gorgeous.  How’d you do that?” You: “Oh that?!  I offer private tutorials on arranging daffodils, come on in to the studio.” My personal approach is that you get one freebie (usually this freebie is in the form of information – answering a quick question in an email).  With that first freebie I give the disclaimer, “If you want to talk more, these are my rates…”
• If this vendor is someone you know and trust, speak with them frankly.  If they are good friend, they will understand.  They might be a little embarrassed.  Let them know that you would never ask them to give their services to you free of charge and that you honestly feel taken advantage of.

All in all, regardless of whether it’s a client, a friend, a colleague, or a family member… justify the time and money you spend providing them with goods and services!  And, don’t be afraid to say “no” when they can’t respect that.

Respect yourself and your work!

Michelle Loretta of Sage Wedding Pros

Sage Wedding Pros is dedicated to creating sustainable businesses in the wedding industry. Visit www.sageweddingpros.com to learn how to be sustainable!