Ask Nancy: Post Wedding Blues

04 February 2013

Dear Nancy 

Thank you for your many blog posts!  I've been reading your blog for a while now and I hope I'm not scaring you as I promise I am not stalking.

Was wondering if you could help me.  It's been several months since my wedding.  Had the BEST wedding ever.    Everything went as planned.  I can't wait to see the pics from the photographer.   My question isn't about the wedding or anything like.

Kinda of wondering if you think it's normal that I feel well let down?  Still browsing wedding websites.  Daydreaming and thinking about what ifs and should have dones though honestly, we wouldn't go back and change things.

Any advice for feeling a!

With thanks,  Someone Blue


My Gosh Someone Blue, you are not the first bride who's expressed this in any way.
Welcome to the Brides of Post Wedding Social Club (BPWSC) who's membership is possibly in the millions.  

It's so completely normal to have the blues.  Many of you have been planning this day since you were playing Barbie with your best friend Sue in your pink floral wallpapered room.  I guess if you were to summit Mt Everett, when the highest point is reached, the next step would be to descent and walk downwards.  For others who never dreamed about their fairy tale wedding, it's equally possible to get a little sad as the build up toward the wedding was filled with joy and excitement only to find yourself the next month with too much time on your hand and suddenly no plans for the weekend.  For others, the attention was focused on you and suddenly, it's magically gone.  No more friends asking you about this or that.  No more relatives in town.  No more gifts on the registry to be filled.   Or possibly, you just loved planning all the details and suddenly, there's no more vendors to talk to, no planner to catch up with. And like the end of every vacation, it's hard to let go.  

Truly --- it's going to take a while for that post wedding blue to fade and it will.   One day you will find yourself immersed into new things like decorating your new pad, socializing with your friends, celebrating happy occasions, helping another friend plan their wedding or baby shower, dating your husband, planning travel plans, engaging in a new hobby.

Don't beat up yourself if you still like stalking a wedding blog or building a dream wedding reception board on Pinterest or emailing your favorite vendors. (Some of my dearest friends are past clients.    We've luckily moved on from vendor-bride relationship to friends.  And it all started with emails back and forth after the wedding.  You see ---- post wedding friendships can happen if it's meant to work out that way.)

A few of my clients have turned their post wedding blues into a weekend hobby by volunteering with a vendor.   A few lucky brides have turned their fascination with weddings and all it's beautiful elements and designs into a budding career like dear friend, Gloria Wong of Gloria Wong Designs, who is one of the most outstanding event designers in the Bay Area.  And this list goes on and on.

One thing I do advise is to communicate with your spouse about what you are feeling.  Communicating your feelings is very important to your relationship and it will build a stronger foundation.   Start dating again.  And though hard to do, starting looking to the future.  This is the start of a brand new year. It's 2013. Instead of making a new year's resolution, create a bucket list of things for the two of you.  And start looking forward to crossing them off.

Bottom line: Let the process unfold naturally for you.  Starting looking toward the future. 

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